anything you can do, i can do better.

Hihi,
   I am convinced that I stared at my cursor blinking for 10 minutes straight having major writers block. As I was sitting here contemplating what words I wanted to give any of you readers today, Teen Mom is playing in the background. Yes, I said Teen Mom. And I am not ashamed. Okay maybe just a little bit, but it will just be our little secret. The rest of MTV is playing in the background as well as random Hunger Games commercials, Real World promo's, and stuff about Snooki. Based off of only listening to what is going on while I am writing this, the word competition keeps flashing in my head right now.
   If you are a human, at least the age of 18, had an actual job, or encountered people, you would have learned that there are several different kinds of people in the world. And I'm not just talking about race here, people. There are the "story toppers," who literally will say absolutely anything to top the most tragic or wonderful story that you tell because they well, want to be better than you. There's the people I like to call the "never evers" because they could have just accidentally chopped off their left hand, and you, being the selfless person you are, chop yours off to give it to them and even in that circumstance would never EVER be pleased. There are the "self absorbed," who are only concerned about themselves. And last but not least, the fourth group of people that exist in this world would be the "Debbie downers."
   Having worked in customer service for the last five years, I have encountered every single group of people. Over a thousand times. And in my personal life, another thousand times. Let's start with the "Story Toppers." Anybody who is reading this right now knows that you have inquired a story topper before. Or maybe you ARE the story topper! I once had a friend, and no, we are not friends anymore, who was the greatest story topper of all time. She constantly had to be on her toes in order to blow whatever sad story I had out of the water. In time I found myself stooping to her level coming up with these crazy scenarios just SO I could hear her try and top my story. Then it just became a competition and (hence the name of this blog!) I just kept singing "Anything you can do I can do better! I can do anything better than YOU!" in my head. What I gathered from my experience with that ex friend, and other people I dealt with who were toppers, is that their lives must be so boring. Literally like watching paint dry boring to make themselves sound ridiculously adventurous, depressed, or just plain awesome.
   Next we have the "never evers," who may be my favorite type of people. These are the kind of people you are going to encounter if you work with people. Ever. As I said above, you could donate a freaking limb to these people and it would not be enough and you would simply be less than impressive to them. OR they would be angry because said limb wasn't good enough for them. These are the people that go to restaurants and yell at waitresses for something not being on the menu that they want. NEWS FLASH: Since when do waitresses have a say in what goes on a menu and what doesn't? Um, NEVER. So, to all of you never evers, just stay home.
   We're almost done people, I promise. Moving onto the self absorbed. I lied before. THESE people might be my favorite. I just envision them standing in front of a mirror all day posing and smiling and saying positive things to themselves, about themselves, in the third person. Something about that playing over and over again in my head just makes my heart happy. It totally shouldn't. But sometimes I can be a sarcastic ice queen, and it just so happens that that's how I'm feeling right now. Lucky you. These people revert everything back to them. And make everything about them. It's your birthday! Who's the one that pretty much blows out your birthday candles? (metaphorically speaking, of course.) Self Absorbed!
   Finally, summing up all of this nonsense coming out of my ginger cranium, we have the Debbie Downers. Kudos to SNL for coming up with the character Debbie played by Rachel Dratch. Extremely accurate. These Debbie's just bring down the house. Literally, they could bring down a house with all of their bad news and pessimism. Being on vacation at a beautiful beach having a wonderful time, YES, I would love to hear about your venereal disease and how you can't go swimming because you have a terrible urticaria (that is another word for rash, for those of you who were unaware). I am an empathetic person. I feel for people, and for my friends. I like to put myself in their shoes and really understand what they're going through. But in that case, my diseases and I will be keeping to ourselves.
   I love people. Observing, talking, learning from, and laughing with as well as at people. For those of you who read this, I thank you. And for those of you who don't. Then well, you're missing out on one hell of a clever ginger.
Laters baby,
-H