Hola!
Okay, so I am officially proud of myself right now. This is day number three, consecutively writing on the blog, and I'm not forcing myself to do so. I think that was my problem the last 20 times I tried to start a blog. I felt obligated to do it. Obligation. Oh how that word makes my skin crawl. PAUSE. IT'S 11:11! MAKE A WISH PEOPLE!.........................okay wish made. That was fun. Is it weird that I always say "amen" after I make a wish? Because it's kind of like you're praying, but you're not....kind of.
I have to admit something. I did not leave my house one time today. I kinda felt like a bum, honestly. I'm so tired, and I did absolutely NOTHING today. That's sad. So don't tell anyone! Sh! So what's kind of on my brain today is purpose. I feel like God steers my head and my heart in so many directions sometimes that I have no idea where I'm going. Aka what I am gonna do with my life!
I've always been a person who asks the 5 w's. Who, what, when, where, and why. Always. Since I could talk. Especially the 5th one, why. I will say that my parents exposed me to some really not so great things growing up, but also, some great things, that helped shape me today. I watched a lot of I Love Lucy as a baby, I listened to a lot of older music, and I watched the news. I think my interest in the news was sparked probably around age four. Then, in elementary school, I began writing in 2nd grade. I would write stories and my teacher would type them up for me and print them out into little books and let me illustrate them. Moving on, my 3rd and 4th grade teacher (I had the same one both years! No, I was not held back!) really encouraged my writing. We had these old composition books, and part of our Language Arts grade was to write an entry every single day to her, and we would turn them in, then, she would respond. It was so fun!
I was very influenced as a child with a love for many things, but for some reason, writing always comes back to me. It always seems to be the one thing that has constantly been there. Besides Jesus of course! ;) A way to express myself that no one else in my family has is such a neat blessing. I was definitely not a fan of structured writing in school. Free writing was where it was at for me and my brain.
Since I totally went on a tangent for two paragraphs, I really got the news buzz in 8th grade. I emailed a local anchor and she let me come down and tour the news station one morning. I thought that was just the best thing that ever happened to me! Again, super influenced by many things. I've had the news buzz, the teacher buzz, the writer buzz, the music buzz, the psychology buzz, and sometimes it just gets tiring because then I end up having no clue what I want to do. I think I am scared of commitment. I am scared of sticking with something, in fear that I will not be good enough. In reality I know I am good enough and I know I can do anything I put my mind to. I can achieve my dream if I put forth all of the effort and work that I can towards it.
I am struggling and trying to learn to not live in fear of the unknown. I pray for peace and comfort and clarity because I love so many things that I wish I could just combine it all into one job. I am learning that I cannot control everything. God created the universe. He created me. He ultimately knows whats best for me, so why can't I just let Him control my life? Because I'm a human and humans are stupid. ;)
I am slowly fading. So sleepy. Thanks to whomever reads these entries. If any. Until tomorrow, probably.... :)
-H
P.s- Happy National Best Friend Day!
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